Our world today says you should.

Every movie or tv show you see where there is a birth taking place, the mom is on her back, strapped to a hospital bed, screaming. Looks really appealing, right? 

I am here to tell you: don’t buy it.

Birth is hard work, I won’t lie to you. But it most definitely is nothing to fear. In fact, fear is what makes it worse.

When women share experiences with me, I notice two major themes: First, women either see birth as scary and painful, leaving no other option but to deliver at a hospital where it is “safe” and with pain medication (which I am not opposed to by the way). The second theme often can be stories of mothers who wished they had different birth experiences but didn’t know or learn about their options until later, and it could have changed their experience.

Now before I go any further, I want to be clear that when I talk about birth and whether it is scary and painful or not, or about certain hospital experiences, I am referring to healthy and low risk pregnancies and deliveries. I do not want to discount, in anyway, a mother who has had scary, painful pregnancies and deliveries due to traumatic and emergency situations. There is a whirlwind of emotional, mental and physical hardship that comes from difficulty in pregnancy, loss of an infant, emergencies in birth, etc. My heart is with the mothers who have had experiences that have caused their hearts to break. This is not something to take lightly or ignore, so know that when I refer to birth in this post, I am speaking about low risk pregnancies and deliveries.

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I spent hours reading other people’s birth stories and googling “what do contractions feel like” (although you can read my take on this in another blog post I wrote), and I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re not going to find the perfect answer. I did get a lot of hope from positive birth stories, but nothing fully prepared me for labor and delivery.

Everyone else’s descriptions were not how I would describe it. And I don’t think that is a bad thing. Labor is so different for every woman. Some feel intensity and pain in certain areas of their bodies. Some would describe the most intense part as someone else’s easiest part.

 It all comes down to you, your body and your baby.

To answer the question “Should I be scared of birth?”, I would say no, most definitely not. I think knowledge is power when it comes to birthing your baby. 

The 3 things I will tell you about preparing for birth: 

Your Birth Mindset

Ask yourself, what are my feelings about birth? What are my fears about birth? And the big kicker.. have I made my judgements about birth based off of other people’s negative opinions or stories?

One of the best things you can do is get into the right mindset about birth. It is hard when it feels like most people around you are telling you birth should be seen negatively. But I would take some time to write down or talk with your spouse about what your hopes are for your child’s birth. Some good questions to help you figure this out:

• Where am I most calm and comfortable when in a state of stress?

• What is my biggest fear around birth and how can I research the truth about these things from valid and reliable sources?

• Who can I talk to that has reliable and knowledgeable information about my questions?

Ultimately you want you and baby to be in a safe and calm space for labor and birth. So think about what that looks like to you – and make it happen to the best of your ability.

For me, that was my home. It was my own bed, my daughter’s room (I labored in a birth pool in there), it was the peace and calm of my house. But for some, the idea of a home birth is very worrisome for different reasons. So I encourage you to look into ways to create that space for yourself at a hospital or birth center.

There also is a lot of opinions around some of the major fears around birth.

I remember hearing way more stories about women who tore “from one end the other”, had to be stitched 7 ways from Sunday and how terrible it was. So after reading and hearing story after story like that, I assumed that the same would happen to me. Well, spoiler alert, I didn’t tear hardly at all. My midwife equipped me with stretches to do ahead of time and she used warm compress and other methods to gently assist my body as I slowly birthed my baby. I had a tear so small that a simple “glue bandage” helped it heal properly within the first few days.

My point in sharing that is to tell you to look into your fears and find reliable and helpful information on those things. In the case of tearing, it could be getting informed about stretches ahead of time or about how hydration and nutrition can play a role in your body’s ability to stretch. It could be asking your doctor or midwife what steps they take to prevent it to the best of their ability. Remember, knowledge is power.

Work through your mindset on birth and find someone to give you helpful and positive feedback on some of your concerns. This helps you change your perspective on birth to be a positive one.

Understanding Your Body and Birth

This was critical for me and honestly what changed my mindset on childbirth. In Ina May Gaskins book, Guide to Childbirth, I read about the different pain receptors in your brain. She explained the difference in pain signals that your brain sends when you for example, cut your leg open, versus childbirth. If you slice your leg open, your first response is panic. You are bleeding and it must stop or else. But the birth of your baby is a GOOD thing. You are bringing life into the world and your body is doing exactly what it should. This is not something to stop. And your brain knows the difference.

 If you haven’t read the book, I highly suggest this as a good read to prepare you for birth. She starts the first half of the book out with natural birth stories from her time on The Farm (the birth center she started and ran in Tennessee). All amazing and encouraging stories from real women who experienced the real ups and downs of birth. The second half of the book tells all about your body, baby and birth process. It can be really helpful in understanding what your body is doing and why. And most importantly, that your body knows exactly what it’s doing. Your body was created to do this. Even if this is your first baby, it is not foreign to your body. It knows exactly what needs to be done to keep you and your baby safe.

Another highly encouraged resource for you before birth is to take a childbirth class. This can be a great space for you to learn more in detail about your body, learn about natural pain management and more.

Taking the time to invest and learn about your body and how birth works will be a game changer for you. If you are hoping for a natural birth, even in the hospital, this is a critical piece of knowledge to acquire.

Your Support

Having a support team around you that cares about your needs and desires is important. The difference in the atmosphere and overall mood in birth spaces where the mother feels 100% safe, loved and supported compared to the spaces where the opposite is true, is night and day difference. 

If you are not sure where to start when it comes to finding support for your labor and birth, start here:

• Educating your partner. Is there a class they can take to know what to expect and how to help? A book they can read? Communicate through and through with them about your hopes and heart so they can advocate for you and know how to support you. 
• Hire a birth doula if you can afford it. Game changer! Their whole mission is to support you and your partner during labor. They know what to do, what not to do, and to advocate for you. Save up, start a fund at your baby shower, whatever it takes, but hire one if you can!
• Family/friends support. I want to start by saying, if you have a family member or friend that plans to attend your birth, I want you to stop and ask yourself to be 100% sure that YOU want them there. There is no room for someone inviting themselves to your labor or assuming they get to be there just because they have known you forever or they are related to you. If you do not feel completely comfortable being fully naked, legs spread and emotionally vulnerable in front of them, they are not invited.